Feeling so alone...

[Denise, loving daughter of Angel Charlotte]

Although I have alot of support...i still feel so alone and not whole anymore. My mom has been gone a little over 7 months. Before she passed, my sister and I cared for her for 9 months. During this time, my mother was our main priority. I left my job and had support from family and friends when I left to care for mom. I would had never of had it any other way. Our time together was so valuable. But now the support seems to be fading away and my heart is still so hurt and lost. I do sometimes feel like giving up but I have my son to care for. Besides, I would never do anything because of my faith. I just wonder how long I can go on feeling so empty inside. I have asked for help...it just doesn't seem to come around at the right times.

[mary l zoglio]

you may feel empty but you are not just streined a little you are never complety empty ,till the day we go to heaven,........then we are freed of all and enter compleate happness with all we love ......our family.......i am always here to talk to ......

[Denise, loving daughter of Angel Charlotte]

Mary,

I do not even know you but what I do know is that you have a HUGE heart! You have reached out to me from the beginning and I appreciate you so much. I know you have issues your dealing with yourself. Thank you for being so compassionate to me. I hope someday to be able to reach out more than I have. I am just so weak right now. Somedays I feel strong and then I will have a set back. Like today! I woke up today and didn't want to get out of bed. Finally, I made myself and my son and I sat in the hot tub. We then went for a walk.

I know this is what I need to do but it is difficult. My mom and I spoke all the time. Sundays are so hard as we would talk numerous time a day. We both loved Lifetime movies so we would watch them and then call and talk about the show. I miss her so much. I know I am not alone most of the time but there are days that I feel lonely. I know people get tired of hearing about it so I do not talk about it to anyone. My sister and I talk about mom all the time but she lives in another town.

Once again, thank you for caring and thank you for being there! I am here for you too! I hope you know that!

Love,
Denise

[Father Marc Vincent]

People like myself are supporting you from afar... Even though I know you feel like it at times, you are not alone and by that I do not simply mean as some say tritely, "God is with you." I know God is with you, in fact He is with us at all times, but I have realized there is always someone "standing guard" behind us in a physical sense, someone we may not even know is there, and honestly, someone we may not even physically know, but they are with us and I have realized that God brings them into our lives to help us through the times you are describing.

This is why websites like this are so fantastic. People care for us and stand with us in our times of need and I believe it is people like this who make a difference in our lives and help us greatly when we feel like giving up.

You are stronger than you feel and stronger than you know. You are going to make it and then, you will be used to help others make it...

Hang in there Denise, keep your faith and keep the faith. There is nothing happening in your life that God is not aware of for the scripture tells us "He never slumbers nor sleeps, nor is His arm so short that it cannot save us..."

Padre+

[Denise, loving daughter of Angel Charlotte]

Thank you for your sweet words! I have a very hard time expressing how I feel. I tend to keep things inside and then explode. I can feel myself slipping and I do not want too. I get angry at my family at times but need them so deeply. My sister and I talk alot.....she is having a hard time also but she seems so much stronger than I am. Last weekend, we went to our parents home but I just couldn't stay there. I know my dad feels sad when we do not but it is just so hard to be there. She was such a sweet dear mother and I adore her even still. It is so hard to let go of her. I have had people say it get's easier....I have not seen that is has gotten any easier over time. It just seems to get more difficult.

We had three deaths the year of 2007. I lost my Aunt (my mom's sister) to Parkinson's and our families are very close. Then we lost my grandfather as he had been ill for many years. This is when we notice a decline in my mom's health. The next few weeks after Daddyrich passed is when mom was diagnosed with cancer. I then left my job to assist in caring for her. I am so glad I did . There were days that we sat talking as she couldn't walk towards the end. We had long lengthy conversations. None of which were about death as she never accepted she was going to die. Neither did I until about 2 months before she died...I finally called her doctor. I didn't want to hear it from anyone except her doctor. Her doctor told me then that she was given 7 months. We were into our 7th month. Mom lived 9 months. My dad and sister already accepted it and knew for months. I kept hoping she was going to survive.

I do know sites like this are good. Sometimes I feel awkward though and hold back. I am not sure who to trust. I do not want my feelings and heart being messed with. I am sure there are others who have felt the same way. But, so far I have had nothing but compassion. I seem to have a very hard time on weekends and evenings. I never thought losing a parent would be this devastating. It is and life as I knew it is no longer. My mom's last words haunt me to this day. Before she passed she said "help me." My sister and I have never told my dad she said this. I wonder what she meant when she said this. Was she in pain? Was she speaking to the Lord? Was she speaking to us? We asked her what she needed and she never responded. Dad cries alot. It is hard for me to talk to him. I appreciate you caring. I care for others also and my heart has changed over the past few months. I wished I was stronger to be able to help others. Maybe like you said...within time!

Love Always,
Denise

[Diana Young]

The last time I saw my grandfather (he raised me) was the day Dale Earnhardt crashed, I remember him in bed and I looked up at the TV when the crash happened. I lived an hour away and worked M-F, so I had to leave to go back to work. That next Wednesday morning I thought I was having a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital and a few hours later my pager went off. it was my brother telling me that my "Dad" was dead. It was horrible. I still had to do a treadmill test for my heart. After that I opted not to stay at the hospital and left AMA - against medical advice. I'll never forget that day and you will never forget your Mother's passing but know that you will always have someone to talk to - me for one and many others. Honestly, it's good to talk about it. It's good to release the emotion.

[Tonya]

I understand how hard it is just to start your day. There are some days that I just can't seem to drag my lifeless body out of bed let alone deal with any other people. I lost my 16 yr old son and My Dad 7 months apart. You find the strength, some how or with Gods help you drag yourelf out of bed and make yourself deal with life. I am still in the early stages of grief as it has only been 11 months since my son's passing and 3 months since my Daddy's but I am coping and so will you. My prayers are with you and We are all here for you if you need us. Thats what this community does, it helps hold us together when we can't seem to find the strength to do it ourselves.

[Denise, loving daughter of Angel Charlotte]

Thank you....
The only reason I able to make it each day is my husband and son....but they even do not really understand....

[Tonya]

I understand it. My 4 other kids and my 1 yr old grandson are what helps me keep it together. Hold onto what helps. If your son helps then hold onto to him.

[Diana Young]

If it wasn't for my daughter, I would certainly be worse off - she keeps me going. Sometimes it isn't enough. One thing that really helped me was my sister telling me to "do it for my brother James" and somehow that seemed to work. So when I just can't go on anymore I say to myself do it for James, do it in his place because he died so young. It doesn't seem to make sense but it works for me. PS You are never alone!!!!

[Debi]

Hello Denise,

I to have felt much aloneness in the past year and half with my loss of loved ones. And although your journey is yours to discover I can share what has helped me during this time. In my own journey I lost 3 loved ones in a year and a half. Just as I was starting to feel a little bit normal another loss came. After 3 I shouted out to God in Anger because I could not take any more loss in my life. At first I judged myself for the anger I was feeling towards God, but then I let go of that judgment because God loves us unconditionally. For me this anger and my broken heart were all symptoms of deeper wounds in my life trying to get healed. And for me that wound is one of healing the separation I have felt from God. I think in some way we all experience it to some degree. Mine has been a journey back to God and my Godself, that part of me that is never ever disconnected or fragmented. It's only layers of life that create that separation, but we are always whole and one with God. And sometimes, those painful experiences of life begin to peel away those layers of separation so we can again see we are always connected to the Oneness.

Blessings,
Debi