Does it ever get any better?

[Dj French]

I really dont think so? Yes, it gets different, its not the mind numbing , think u are crazy, heart pounding grief that it was for the first few years, but, there is not a day that I dont cry when I first wake up if I sleep at all. I can be doing "ok" and hear a song, remember spoken words, see someone that I think is Shane for just 1 second, see the hurt in Shawn's eyes as he still mourns his only sibling daily, see a picture of you and wish I had taken thousands more although I thought I took alot? We never take enough pictures to last us a lifetime although we have no idea how long a lifetime is, we never expected to lose our child, not us, never? Well, you can tell I'm confused today and probally will confuse everyone I interact with.